APH - 101 Things

The following are the things that I, Thailand, will remember.

1) I will not come to the meeting dressed up as a woman.
2) - even if it makes Hungary happy.
3) - saying Poland also does it is not a good excuse.
4) I will not splash people with water.
5) - They do not celebrate Songkran.
6) - It only makes them wet.
7) - And mad.
8) I will not punch people when they say "Thai? You mean Taiwan?"
9) - Its not polite.
10) I will not show of my Muay Thai skills.
11) - or demonstrate it on people.
12) - especially when they say all Asian martial arts are the same.
13) - Muay Thai is different.
14) I will not give spicy Thai food to people.
15) - Even though they're not really spicy.
16) - To me at least.
17) - Nor I will enjoy seeing them writhe in pain.
18) - Or take away all the available water sources.
19) - Its only amusing to me.
20) I will not become one with Russia.
21) - EVER.
22) I will not bring up the fact that I was the only Southeastern nation that was not colonized.
23) - It would make England mad.
24) - And France too.
25) I will not sit between England and France at the meeting.
26) - I had enough headaches from doing so already in the past.
27) I will not be mad at America for claiming that Jasmine rice came from him
28) - Because its ridiculous.
29) - Everyone knows rice came from Asia.
30) I will not invite Russia to the Sunflower Festival.
31) - It would make him sad.
32) - Then jealous.
33) - And then he might try to make me one with him.
34) - See #20
35) I am not allowed to bring my pet elephant to the meeting.
36) - It would only result in creating more chaos.
37) I will warn other nations when they date beautiful woman from my house.
38) - They might be traps.
39) - Even if they're unbelievable beautiful.
40) I will not tell Japan about the Seri Thai.
41) - Even though he probably knows about it by now.
42) - It was his fault for making me sign the treaty in the first place.
43) I will not mention the Franco-Thai war to France.
44) - He will only retaliate with the Franco-Siamese Treaty.
45) I am not Austria.
46) - No matter how much I look like him.
47) I will not use my calendar when with the other nations.
48) - It will confuse them.
49) I will not offer traditional Thai massage.
50) - They do not enjoy having their body 'broken'.
51) - Even if they feel better after the pain disappears
52) - I will not laugh when they scream.
53) - Because it really does hurt.
54) I will not get mad when others touch my head.
55) - They do not know my cultures.
56) - This does not mean I will not slap their hand away.
57) I will not complain that the weather is cold when the meeting is set in a cold place.
58) - Russia will laugh ominously.
59) - I will try to not constantly shiver.
60) - Even though it's not my fault.
61) - My house is very warm.
62) - I'm not used to the cold.
63) I will not respond when Russia compares my shivering to Latvia's
64) - Instead, I will back off from him as far away as possible.
65) I will not get mad when America does not know where my house is.
66) - Because it's just very typical of him to not know where most people are.
67) - I won't glue a map to his car afterwards.
68) - Or to all the windows in his house.
69) - Or anywhere near him.
70) - Or on him.
71) I will not show any of my horror movies to America.
72) - Or claim that mine are scarier.
73) - But they really are.
74) I am not to be anywhere near France.
75) - I will not attack him if he gropes me.
76) - He will cry.
77) - It's not polite anyways.
78) I smile because I like it
79) - That's why I am known as the 'Land of Smiles'.
80) I will not be angry when people say Thai language is 'just a bunch of squiggles'.
81) - Or when they mistaken my language for Laos'.
82) My food is not a chemical weapon.
83) - I will not laugh at that one incident in London.
84) - But it was pretty funny.
85) I will not use Thai's way of putting the date first then the month when writing to westerners.
86) - Also see #47
87) I will not accept opium from England.
88) - I have learnt from China's mistake.
89) I will not scream at the Europeans to put their clothes back on.
90) - I understand that it is their culture.
91) - Rule #89 does not apply if they are in my country.
92) I will remember to warn tourist about the snakes in my country.
93) - And about those soi dogs.
94) I will not speak Tinglish. People can not understand me.
95) I will not talk about slavery and how I managed to abolish it without bloodshed.
96) - Especially around America.
97) I will not get depressed when people mention 1997
98) I will not punch anyone who asks if I still ride elephants over rice patties to work.
99) - No offense to my beloved elephants, but I have cars and roads.
100) I love my King.
101) - This is not up for discussion.

Signed,
ราชอาณาจักรไทย